Sometimes relationships just don’t work out and children are involved. I have had a little experience in this area (LOL). Below are a few tips I wanted to share from my experiences. Warning…some of these steps may be VERY difficult but they are absolutely POSSIBLE!
8 tips for Dealing with a Difficult Baby Daddy/Baby Mama…(in the Spirit)
**Special Note** It is important to keep in mind that the heart of God is always towards restoration and reconciliation. He wants us, if at all possible, to live in peace with each other (Romans 12:18). Regardless of what your ex-partner has done (or is doing) the Father’s heart will always be to reconcile our relationship with Him and with each other. It’s just the way He is. He will give your partner opportunities to “get it right” just like He gives it to you. However, that will not last forever. I urge you to keep your heart aligned with the Father’s will. Any other position is going to hurt you and your child(ren).
- Commit to handling this in the SPIRIT and not in your flesh.
Making this decision is critical. If you cannot make this commitment…get ready for trouble and DRA-MA! If you fall off…re-commit, repent, and start again.
- Cover your child(ren) in prayer.
The enemy would love for you to be so distracted by the situation that you leave your children vulnerable. So many ungodly seeds can be sown in your children as they are watching the two of you not get along. Even if they don’t say anything to you…they know. Pray consistently for their hearts to be protected from hurts and wounds. “Pray without ceasing.” ~I Thessalonians 5:17.
- See the TRUE enemy.
No matter what he or she did in the relationship….Satan is the enemy not the person. Now that doesn’t mean the enemy may not be using that person but be clear on who you are warring against. The Bible says “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” ~Ephesians 6:12
- Get Healed!
Focus on allowing the Holy Spirit to walk you through healing from ALL hurts sustained from your relationship with the other parent. Our God is a healer and He wants you WHOLE (Psalm 147:3)! Without healing we deal with the other person from a wounded/hurt place which can impact how you perceive and interpret their actions. Even if you are able to separate your hurt from the situation, know that the enemy will use any opening to cause havoc in your life. Seek professional and godly counsel, if necessary, to walk through your healing process. Remember God does care that you were hurt and has compassion for you.
- Disarm the Enemy.
Remember we talked about identifying the enemy? Well, now let’s disarm him. We disarm the enemy by removing any legal access he has to our lives. Here are a few points of access: anger, rage, bitterness, rejection, hurt, and un-forgiveness. If you are experiencing any of those emotions…that’s going to be a problem. You are certainly entitled to your feelings but what you might do because you have those feelings is where the trouble starts. With that in mind, here are a few steps to follow.
- Confess all ungodly feelings/thoughts/actions
- Repent for all the ungodly feelings/thoughts/actions about the person and situation.
- Forgive him/her and anyone else involved by faith (even if you don’t ‘feel’ it or think they deserve it)
- Break soul ties.
When we get into close relationships we become connected. There can be godly and ungodly soul ties. By the simple fact that you have a child(ren) together…there is a soul tie in place. Soul ties become problematic because the connection remains but it is dysfunctional. The enemy will use ungodly soul ties to cause the person to act like they are still in the relationship that no longer exists. If you find yourself constantly thinking about the other person or easily vexed by them…there is probably an intact soul tie. The soul tie must be broken. I would encourage you to get rid of everything that connected you to that person. You can break the soul tie by praying and asking Holy Spirit to break it. It is that simple. In addition, I would verbally cast out the spirit of the person. It sounds weird but their spirit can actually become a familiar spirit trying to keep you in that old relationship. Unbroken soul ties can be the entrance point for other spirits such as rejection, abandonment, and offence.
- Pray for him/her
As difficult as it may be, sincerely pray for the person. Here’s why…there healing/deliverance is important to your child(ren) well-being! Pray sincerely for his/her healing and or deliverance because whatever is in them will undoubtedly impact your children (good or bad). It’s God’s design and that will not change. Pray for their relationship with your children. One thing to note…God gave father’s a tremendous role in imparting value to their daughters and shaping the identity of sons. As angry or frustrated as you may be with him…children need their fathers. Believe me…I know how hard that may be to hear but I know it to be true.
- Model Forgiveness
Depending on the age of your child(ren) model forgiveness. Its ok for your children to know that sometimes we get upset or hurt by people (you have feelings too). However, our children need to see that forgiveness is a lifestyle. Simply because of sin we will hurt each other. Forgiveness is the antidote to heal our hearts and keep us in alignment with our Father.
**Encouragement** Depending on the state of your relationship with your ex-partner you may or may not be able to do the steps above. The truth is, the longer you don’t the more you will suffer. Start where you can. Pray and ask Holy Spirit to help get your heart to the right place. He will help you.
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